beautiful, beautiful boy

one year ago, God showed me
no matter what my plans may be, no matter what i want, or think is best
that He will always be the one in charge.
i had plans for a home birth with a midwife. he would be delivered without medicine.
after he was delivered he would be put on my chest, into my arms, and he would know i was his mama.
we would take him home with us that day, and we would begin our life together.
not so.
he was delivered in a hospital, by a doctor, with medicine.

they wouldn't let me see him after he was born.

they took him from me before i had even seen his face.

it was 4 hours before i was able to see what my baby looked like, 15 hours before i knew what he felt like, and 6 days before i knew what it was like to have him home with us.

i hate this story. it still breaks my heart.

but he did come home, he did know i was his mama, and we learned that no matter what we want

God will always have his way.

Praise be to GOD.

one year ago, God gave me the most precious, wonderful, beautiful gift.

one year ago, this little guy came into my life and flipped me upside down,

and taught me to love in a way i didn't know i was capable of.

this boy changed me forever. thank God he did. really. thank you, God.

this little boy, who came out in such a perfect form, with the most lovely dark hair,

blue droopy eyes, and these amazing puffy lips...

more beautiful than i could have ever imagined

my little guy that i had memorized while in my belly.

my little guy who i would give anything for, do anything for
him...who i was so graciously picked to be his mom.
him...who completed areas of my life i didn't know i was missing

him.

my little Judah.

My beautiful boy.

"Beautiful,

Beautiful, beautiful,

Beautiful Boy,

Before you go to sleep,

Say a little prayer,

Every day in every way,

It's getting better and better,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,

Out on the ocean sailing away,
I can hardly wait,

To see you to come of age,

But I guess we'll both,
Just have to be patient,
Yes it's a long way to go,
But in the meantime,

Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you,

While your busy making other plans,

Beautiful,

Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy"
by John Lennon

I love you little Judah. Happy Birthday.

A Reminder

I remember reading this poem in high school.

It meant little to me then, but now that I am a little older

it speaks volumes.

Hope it blesses you, too.

Happy Monday.

Upon the Burning of our House by Anne Bradstreet -1666

In silent night when rest I took,

For sorrow neer I did not look,

I waken'd was with thundring noise

And Piteous shreiks of dreadful voice.

That fearful sound of fire and fire,

Let no man know is my Desire.
I, starting up, the light did spy,

And to my God my heart did cry

To strengthen me in my distress

And not to leave me succourlesse.

Then coming out beheld a space,

The flame consume my dwelling place.

And, when I could no longer look,

I blest his Name that gave and took,

That laid my goods now in the dust:

Yea so it was, and so 'twas just.

It was his own: it was not mine;

Far be it that I should repine.

He might of All justly bereft,

But yet sufficient for us left.

When by the ruins oft I past,

My sorrowing eyes aside did cast,

And here and there the places spy

Where oft I sat, and long did lie.

Here stood that trunk, and there that chest;

There lay that store I counted best:

My pleasant things in ashes lie,

And them behold no more shall I.

Under thy roof no guest shall sit,

Nor at thy table eat a bit.

No pleasant tale shall 'ere be told,

Nor things recounted done of old.

No candle 'ere shall shine in thee,

Nor bridegroom's voice ere heard shall be.

In silence ever shalt thou lie;

Adieu, Adeiu; all's vanity.

Then straight I gin my heart to chide,

And didst thy wealth on earth abide?

Didst fix thy hope on mouldring dust,

The arm of flesh didst make thy trust?

Raise up thy thoughts above the sky

That dunghill mists away may fly.

Thou hast a house on high erect

Fram'd by that mighty Architect,

With glory richly furnished,

Stands permanent tho' this be fled.

It's purchased, and paid for too

By him who hath enough to do.

A prize so vast as is unknown,

Yet, by his gift, is made thine own.

There's wealth enough, I need no more;

Farewell my pelf, farewell my store.

The world no longer let me love,

My hope and treasure lies above.

5 Random Thanks

5 Random Things I am Thankful for:

1.  Flat irons  --  thank you, God, for creating a person with the ability to invent one of these bad boys. My life has been forever changed for the better.

2. Non stick cookware --  you have saved me from ruining a recipe too many times. And you make my time in the kitchen significantly less. Thank you.

3.  Hulu --  give me your tired, your poor, your humble masses refusing to get cable. That's how that goes, right?  I'm cheap and Hulu is free.  I have watched many a documentary / Heroes episode whilst not spending a dime. Love, love, love.

4.  Target -- Your dollar bins will be the end of me, but I love you even still. I would venture to say 85% of my total purchases are from Target. Gotta love 'em.

5. Caffeine -- my coffee machine at work disperses Starbucks Verona Blend. I have 2 cups every morning. I get to work at 7 so this is a necessity, people. Thank you, coffee beans. Thank you, Starbucks machine.